State of Emergency In Lockdown with Cats

Post 1

OK so had a little misunderstanding with my cat Carmelle today. I told her earlier in the week I'd be working from home for the next while. At first she seemed pleased but today her disdain was noticeable.

I tried to ignore it at first like one of those awkward office situations where some colleague gets their nose out of joint for some unknown reason but hasn't the manners or the courage to talk to you about it. Finally the issue came to head and we talked it through.

It seems when I told Carmelle
I'd be working from home she assumed that meant I'd be working FOR HER. I explained I am working for someone else and that this job is what puts food on my table and in her dish. She didn't like that response as you can see from the photo.

She pulled out the roommate agreement which is WAY, WAY more comprehensive than Sheldon's from the Big Bang Theory. Turns out my working from home violates several clauses of the agreement. After some negotiation she begrudgingly agreed to a compromise. Tomorrow I'm working from the shed.

Power on people! We need to stick together. I mean this metaphorically of course because of the whole social distancing thing. But seriously we need to help each other out. If cats take over the world our days are numbered.

Post 2

It’s been a rough day. Carmelle is in isolation. No, relax. It’s not what you think. She’s just overreacting.

Don’t get me wrong, I STRONGLY believe that many people should be in isolation, and am especially annoyed by people who are still out and about after they have been travelling or showing symptoms of the virus. Carmelle is not one of those people.

In fact let’s be very clear here. She does not belong to any category of people. She is a cat. She is only a cat. I repeated this phrase a hundred times today.

If you are joining this story midway through, you can read the post from yesterday, but to get you up to speed quickly, I’m a writer who is working from home, stuck inside with my two cats. Well at least I was stuck inside until one of them banished me to the shed.

On my way to the shed, I mistakenly checked Facebook and noticed that Carmelle’s photo had gone viral. I said, “Look at that Carmelle, you’ve gone viral.” It was all downhill from there.

“VIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL?” She screeched “VIIIIIIIII-RAAAAAAAAAAAL?” I said, “Relax. Viral. Not Virus. I posted your picture on Facebook and now you’ve gone viral.”

She looked at me with sour –faced contempt. She was silent for a moment and then started up again. “VIRAL …VIRAAAAAAAAAAAL…VIIIIIIIIIRALLLLL”.

I said, “You’re not sick, you’re in heat. Just be quiet you’ll be fine. “

Immediately she started to cough and glared at me as though it was all my fault. “Carmelle you are not sick. You are in heat and have a hairball. Relax.”

The picture you see here was taken moments before the hairball was ejected. The next one showed the fuzzy projectile as it hit the floor. Due to Facebook community standards, that one can’t be posted.

I mistakenly zoomed in. It was disgusting. We have no idea the germs our bodies fight off on a daily basis. Let’s be thankful for what is working.

Even after the hairball was cleared, Carmelle would not shut up. “VIRALLLLL…VIIIIRALLLL.VIIIIIIIRAAAAL” And the looks continued.

It has been my observation that when dealing with people who are either paranoid about the virus or who are not taking it seriously enough, ACURATE, SCIENTIFICALLY BASED, WELL-REASEARCHED facts can be our friends.

I spent the next hour and a half on the websites of the World Health Organization, Health Canada and other reputable sources. I even looked up articles on Google Scholar.
With facts in hand I told Carmelle that through all of these sources, I could not find a single instance where a patient’s symptoms included coughing up a hairball.

At the pace the virus is spreading, though it may only be a matter of time before someone suffering from trichophagia, gets it and will be the black swan that brings down my argument.

Despite the facts, Carmelle thought it was best to spend the day in isolation. I spent the day in shed grateful that her cries could not be heard from there.

It’s been an exhausting day.

If we who are home with our cats are exhausted, imagine what the healthcare workers are feeling. This is only the beginning. For their sake, and for the sake of the elderly and the ill, we need to flatten the curve. Stay inside if you've been travelling or are showing symptoms.

To all of you who made it this far, thanks for reading.
If you’re viewing this in a group and can’t share it from there, you’ll find a shareable version on my profile page. God willing you’ll hear from me tomorrow with another update. Keep safe!

Post 3

I look like hell. My hands have been washed every 8 to 12 minutes for the last three weeks but this morning I realized I had completely forgotten about the rest of my body. It has been days since my hair was washed.

Do you remember what Tom Hanks looked like in Castaway? Remember the movie where his only companion is a volley ball called Wilson? My hair looks like Tom Hanks’ did, maybe a little worse.

The good news is I’m not yet talking to a volley ball. It will be a long time before that happens. I won’t need to talk to a volleyball because now I have Betty.

Betty is my tea pot. Brown Betty is a welcome relief from conversations with Carmelle, who by the way is doing fine. As you can see from the photo she is out of isolation and hanging around the kitchen with me and Betty.

I snuck back in the house this afternoon from the shed and worked part of the day from the kitchen table. It was snowing here in Ontario today and I was freezing in the shed. Every time Carmelle brought up the roommate agreement I gave her a treat and changed the subject. For today at least that strategy has worked.

The picture also shows one of my many geraniums. The folks in various gardening groups have been most gracious sharing these stories of my survival, and I hope that all of their plants are doing well.

While these posts may be a little off topic for some groups, you are indeed helping a fellow gardener and her cats by sharing them. Hopefully you are also helping people who need a little humour in their lives these days. Laughter is the best medicine.

Maybe even someone who isn’t taking the virus serious will start to do so by considering how many lives are being affected, and not just human lives, but the lives of cats too.

By the way, Carmelle says thanks for all of the praise that you cat lovers have been lavishing on her. She also asked me to share a message from her. She dictated it and I wrote it out for you. It’s in the second photo.

But let’s get back to Betty. She came over for tea today and we had a great time. Well she didn’t really come over for tea. I made a pot of Earl Grey and that’s when the hallucinations started happening. It was just so nice to have someone other than a cat to talk to. I’m normally a coffee drinker, but since I’m rationing my coffee supply, Betty will be a bigger part of my life than normal. I'm glad I'm getting to know her better.

When this whole thing is over, Betty and I are going to celebrate. On the first available Saturday night, we’re inviting Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker for a party in the shed. I really miss talking to men. Sure Betty and the cats are great but they’re all female.

For many years I was a yacht broker in Vancouver, back then, wealthy men used to send me photos of their yachts. Now quarantined women send me photos of their cats. I’ve made some bad choices in life and now I’m reaping the consequences.

While I appreciate all of the support the cat ladies have been giving. I just really had no idea there were so many of you. Thank you for all of the many photos of your own cats. Thank you also for staying indoors.

If any of you happen to know men with boats please let them know I’d love to see photo of a yacht. I’d even settle for photo of an old fish boat. Frankly a canoe or even a kayak would do. I just need proof that men and their boats still exist. My biggest fear is that the world population now consists only of cat ladies and the felines who control them..Please just one boat photo, beg you!

Post 4

I feel so inadequate. Several days into the state of emergency many Canadians are still in denial of the seriousness of the situation. Meanwhile the home schooling moms are making us all look bad.

They were the only ones prepared for this pandemic. Within the first hour of the state of emergency being declared their kids were all live streaming concerts from their living rooms. They all look like the Von Trapp Family Singers.

Not only have all of their kids memorized the entire sound track from The Sound of Music their kids are singing along with the Italians. They know all of the Italian opera arias.

Why wouldn't they? These kids all speak six languages.

An hour later home school families were teaching the nation. These moms were sharing online educational resources for panicked parents, all of which they just happened to have on hand.

Meanwhile I was still trying to figure out how to upload a photo to Facebook from my phone.

I figured it out now thanks to a tutorial posted by a home school mom. In searching for it I discovered several of these moms are giving science lectures aimed at developing a vaccine for Covid19. Their prospects look promising.

Several of them have set up labs in their kitchens where prior to the pandemic they used to make soap and homemade bread.

Is there nothing these women can't do?

Their biggest problem is consoling their kids who are upset about not being able to get to church this week.

I'm posting this video for all of the regular moms out there whose kids are fighting more because of the stress. I don't even have kids but the only two creatures I'm responsible for are still fighting. I have some idea of what you're going through.

I know some home school mom is going to send me a link to online spelling and punctuation classes after posting this. Just bear in mind I'm typing this on my phone in my shed where the light is not very good.

This video shows my cats Carmelle and Tubby Washington. Pay careful attention to the two dots under the blanket. Those are Tubby' s eyes.

Whether you're a wonder woman home schooling mom or a regular old mom just trying to keep your kids from killing each other, keep the faith. Your kids need you now more than ever. This too shall pass.

Post 5

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  I’m losing track of time. I keep getting an error message from my computer saying “your clock is behind.” For fun I reset it to a random time and date. That might have been a mistake. March 17, 2020 was my first day working from home. Can someone please let me know how many months I’ve been locked inside with my cats? Are we still in 2020? I might have messed up the universe by resetting the date. Life is starting to feel like an H.G. Wells novel. It occurred to me recently one of the home-schooled kids might have been bright enough to build a time machine. Maybe we are experiencing the effects. Things are really different now. People are sitting down for dinner together, stores are closing on Sundays, and today families were gathered in their living rooms listening to the radio. It’s starting to feel like the 1930s or 40s. Somehow this is comforting. This morning the local radio station, 106.5 Moose FM, broadcast Mass from Barry’s Bay. This gives me some reassurance that today is Sunday; I’m just not sure about the month and year. If you want to tune in, next week, you can do so online or through the Radio Player Canada app. It will air 11:00 Eastern time. I feel it’s necessary to give you folks reading across Canada some reassurance that Barry’s Bay Ontario is a real place. It’s about 23 minutes from Palmer Rapids where I live with Betty and the cats. Combermere is midway between Barry’s Bay and Palmer Rapids. Combermere is the where Madonna House is located. If you’re feeling a little stressed these days, you might want to get the free e-book that Madonna House is offering until April 12. I'll leave a link to it and to the radio station in the comments. My Facebook profile says Combermere because Palmer is so small that Facebook doesn’t even recognize it as a location. I can assure you though it really does exist, and this is truly the way life is here right now. Canadians are strange. Many believe that Dog River exists, but some are questioning if Palmer Rapids is a real place. Maybe checking out the links will help give you proof. Today feels very relaxing, like a Sunday should be. I just had cinnamon toast and tea with Betty. By the way she says to say hello. If you’re running out of jam, a bit of cinnamon and sugar on toast is a delightful treat. I’m glad today feels so relaxing. Yesterday was VERY stressful. The tension between Carmelle and I hit a new level. Many of you have been getting those Covid19 messages from companies explaining how their policies and procedures have changed due to the pandemic. Yesterday Carmelle issued her own Covid19 update. It states there will be changes to roommate agreement. Prior to the pandemic, I had been trying to sharpen my negotiating skills by watching Chris Voss videos. When Carmelle issued her statement, I felt it was a good opportunity to practice the negotiating tips Chris Voss suggested. Apparently they don’t work on cats. The photos show Carmelle at various points during the talks. They say communication is 97% about body language. As you can see the negations did NOT go well. I’m going to try to stay calm today and hope that all of you do too. It’s best to take things one day at a time. I'll give you an update tomorrow on the revisions to the roommate agreement. Please pray it goes well. These are difficult times and we all have to pray for each other. Post 6 There are two types of Canadians; those who hoard and those who do the best they can with what they have right now. At the end of the pandemic, those who hoarded will be surrounded by empty toilet paper rolls, while those who did the best they could with what they have will be surrounded by communities who love and admire them, not just for what they did, but more so for being the people they are. Betty told me that this morning over tea, and it seems like some good advice to pass along to all of those people who are struggling to get by this week. For a teapot, Betty is really, really wise. This morning I could feel myself getting more than a little angry at the selfish people who are hanging out in crowds and failing to consider the elderly, the sick and the healthcare workers who are most vulnerable at this time. I asked Betty how she can stay so calm during all the stress and she gave me this little tip she learned from her friend Kerry. She said Kerry is really good at managing her emotions. Any time Kerry feels herself about to boil over, she stops everything immediately. She simply shuts off, cools down and refuses to burn someone else by spreading anger, negativity and frustration. Kerry the kettle joined Betty and me for our afternoon tea break. She is a great coach and demonstrated very effectively how to simply shut off if you’re about to boil over. It’s amazing the things you can learn from your small appliances during a difficult time. I practised Kerry’s technique of simply shutting down before passing my frustration on to others. Boy was her advice timely! Carmelle issued her amendments to the roommate agreement this afternoon. I asked Carmelle how she managed to type up the agreement, and she explained that she had been taking online keyboarding lessons from one of the home-school moms. I’ve fallen asleep the past few nights watching Barney Miller episodes on YouTube, so my computer was left open. While I was sleeping, she was studying. “Night school” classes she called them. Apparently she is learning French too and is excelling in that class as you might expect. When I saw how thick the agreement, was I was about to boil over. Carmelle used almost my whole supply of printer paper. It will only be a few days before I need to start writing on other materials. This made me really angry, but I remembered Kerry’s advice and cooled off by shutting down. I’m not exactly sure what the agreement says. I didn’t even bother to read it. I just decided to “Accept and Agree” like I do too frequently with those online agreements. I know this is a dangerous digital practice. In this case though, my motivation for accepting Carmelle’s terms was motivated by genuine love. I could not imagine anything I wouldn’t do for my cats. I hope that all of you have someone you are willing accept unconditionally, someone who is inspiring you to go the extra mile at this time. If you do, consider yourself very blessed to have that creature in your life and try not to let your frustrations boil over on them. By the way, in the photo you can see my new friend Kerry the Kettle. The photos of Carmelle show her when she first presented the agreement to me. (Her confident expression shows she knew I’d accept it.) The other one shows her demonstrating finger stretching exercises the home-school mom taught in the keyboarding tutorial. I hope that all of you who find yourself bored or with extra time on your hands are considering the extra skills you can learn at this time. Post 7 So far no crimes have been committed; I can’t, however, guarantee how long this will last. My guardian angel must be working overtime. Several years ago a good friend of mine predicted the world would be in serious danger if I ever stopped going to Church. Well aware of my criminal mind and penchant for getting into mischief when bored, he posited that it was only my obedience to a spiritual director and regular Mass attendance that kept me from engaging in a life of crime. The churches are now closed because of the pandemic, and for the first time in my life I am not able to get to Mass. That friend might have been right. Last night between 7:48 PM and 8:14 PM I came up with at least 27 profitable criminal activities that could be committed from the comfort of own my living room. Now you might think my motivation for committing these crimes was monetary, but it wasn’t. For the moment at least I am still employed and able to work from home. Actually I was motivated by the simple desire to speak to another human being. I’ve been watching a lot of Barney Miller episodes on YouTube and it occurred to me that if I did commit a crime, Captain Miller might send Detective Wojciehowicz to arrest me. My plan was very simple. I would commit the crime, post photos of it on Facebook and just sit quietly with Betty waiting for Wojciehowicz to arrive. Once at the precinct, I would call up Perry Mason who would get me off on the plea of insanity. I was just about to execute on the idea when suddenly I realized a major flaw in my plan. Wojciehowicz works out of the 12th precinct in New York City; Palmer Rapids is not within his jurisdiction. I thought of perusing the plan anyway. Even if it was an OPP Officer who arrested me instead of Wojciehowicz, at least it would be a chance to talk with another human being. I imagined calling Perry Mason from the OPP detachment in Killaloe and being home in a few hours. That’s when I realized the second flaw in my plan. Perry Mason lives in California, and with California being locked down, he would not be able to get here. I decided to forgo the idea altogether. What is concerning about this situation is that my decision to abandon the crime was based solely on geography. At no point did it occur to me that both Wojciehowicz and Perry Mason are fictional TV characters, whose shows did not even air in the same decade, let alone on the same network. Things are getting bad here, really, really bad. I decided to focus on learning something new instead of dwelling on the possibilities a life of crime might provide. Many people are posting things about how they are learning new hobbies or skills they always wanted to try. This made me reflect on some of the goals I had want to achieve, but never had the time to accomplish before. In the mid 1980’s I had wanted to be good at breakdancing. This seemed like a great skill to start developing now. It turns out it wasn’t. Although I think I will be ok, there was a very close call last night. I found an instructional video on YouTube which made things look simple enough. I practised the first few moves with some ease. This boosted my confidence and I decided to fast forward to the end of the video to learn some more complex moves. I was just about to execute on a move called “the power windmill” when things went horribly wrong. My right foot got caught in the rocking chair flipping it into the air. It landed on a lamp and knocked over a vase smashing it to pieces. I discovered then why they call it "break" dancing. Unfortunately these were not the only things damaged. I need to stress that I will be OK, and although my leg is in tremendous pain, I’m not going to the hospital at this time. I’m not sure if it is broken or merely sprained, but the swelling is going down. Like many of you I too have been watching survival videos online these past few days and feel blessed to have learned some basic first aid skills just prior to the event. I fashioned a splint out of duct tape, a broom handle and a shovel from the shed. So far I’m holding up OK. It's hard to walk with the shovel attached to my leg but thankfully I'm alive. If anyone is having trouble keeping a family member inside these days, duct taping a shovel to one of their legs might help keep them indoors. There is still snow on the ground in Palmer Rapids, so I packed some of it around the place where it was swelling the most and that seems be helping a lot. When the snow got too cold Betty sat close to me to help warm up my leg. Somehow this alternating between hot and cold really helped. Things could have been way worse. Many of you have been holding watch parties, and my breakdancing event was going to be my first watch party ever. I thank the sweet heavens above that I could not figure out how to do the whole watch party thing. The world can only handle one catastrophic event at a time and no doubt many of you would be suffering from PTSD if you had witnessed the scene live. As you can see from the worried look on Carmelle’s face it was not a pretty sight. The second photo shows Carmelle and Tubby Washington surveying the upturned rocking chair. I’m just so grateful it didn’t hit either of them. Thanks to everyone who has been praying for us here in Palmer Rapids. All things considered we are doing OK. I’ve decided to scratch breakdancing off of my list of things to learn during the pandemic. I’ve reviewed my home insurance policy and I don’t think damages caused by this activity will be covered. Until tomorrow! Remember to be grateful for what you have! Post 8 I don’t know how you mothers are coping with all of this stress! Today I completely lost it. My inner child threw a temper tantrum that went on for a good 40 minutes. She was absolutely inconsolable. I tried reasoning with her, yelling at her; I tried to express empathy. Nothing worked. Finally Betty came up with the idea of singing to her as a form of distraction. I can’t imagine what would have happened if Betty hadn’t been there. Betty did the most brilliant rendition of “I’m a Little Teapot“ that I have ever heard. It was so authentic, so real, and straight from the heart. When she sang “Here is my handle, here is my spout” you could see she was sincere. When she got to the whole, “Tip me over and pour me out” part, real tea came out. It was so amazing to watch, and my inner child calmed right down. I realized that Betty had bought me some time, but if I didn’t find something to occupy my inner child, before long she would be whining again. Since today is nine months until Christmas, I decided it would be fun to use our extra time to prepare for that. I wrapped up all the presents and have tucked them away until Christmas. This year we are going with a “reduce, reuse, recycle” theme so all of the gifts were taken from what I have already. Although there is still a bit of snow on the ground, it feels like spring is about to burst open. Since I won’t be needing them for some time, I wrapped up my mittens and scarves and will open them at Christmas time when such an item will be a welcome gift. Who knows what the world will be like by Christmas? Despite the uncertainty, some things are a pretty safe bet. For example we can count on one of two possible outcomes in regards to paper. Either by Christmas people will be using toilet paper as gift wrap, or gift wrap as toilet paper. Today (March 25) is also the Feast of the Annunciation so hopefully you are finding ways to celebrate, indoors of course. I’m going to open a can of chili and melt some cheese on it. If you’re finding other ways to celebrate, just remember that nine months from now the most crowded ward in hospitals will be the maternity ward. You might want to plan ahead. If you’re out of work now don’t fret. Many jobs will soon be hiring back. There will be many others that open up before long. Maternity nurses and midwives for example will soon be in short supply. On the subject of health and well-being, I’m out of my splint. Part of me thinks I took it off a little too soon, but the shovel was really scratching up my hardwood floors. I didn’t intend to take it off for a few days, but I needed the duct tape to wrap the presents. At first it was just one piece, but then I needed another and another. Very soon there was not enough to hold the splint together securely enough and that is when I decided to remove it. I’m using the broom pole as a walking stick, and this is helping me keep the weight off of my right leg. Thanks for all or your messages of concern; I’ll take it easy, but it looks like the injury is on the mend. The photo shows Tubby Washington checking out the remains of my splint. You can see Carmelle laughing. She said, “Remember yesterday when you broke everything while you were breakdancing? You’re a real Ginger Rodgers!” She was doubled over laughing for several minutes. I don’t get no respect! Post 9 There is some exciting news in Palmer Rapids! Even though it rained here all day the house was full of sunshine and warmth. I wasn’t going to share the news with people just yet, but I’m overflowing with so much joy and happiness that I simply cannot contain it. Yup! You guessed it, I’ve met a guy. He is quite a bit older than I am, but we seem really well suited for each other. He’s a redhead with a solid square jaw. I don’t want to jinx the situation by rushing things, but to me he seems perfect. The crazy thing is he lives close by and our paths have crossed daily; we just didn’t notice each other until today. His name is Robin, and he lives in my pantry cupboard. He is the guy on the Robin Hood flour bag. Oh, I know someone is going to comment that he dresses a little funny but based on the clothes I’ve been wearing the past while I cannot judge. And let me tell you, under a state of emergency you can’t be too picky. Men are too harshly judged these days. I’m just so excited! Betty is going to mind the cats tomorrow evening and Robin and I are going to have a date night, we’ll be staying inside of course. I’m a little nervous about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date. OK that’s probably an obvious statement given my social circle revolves around two cats, a teapot named Betty and a kettle called Kerry. But I’m optimistic this might really work out. Anyway, I’m thinking of cooking a nice dinner for just the two of us, nothing too romantic, just something simple. During dinner I thought it would be nice to play some 1970s music, maybe include a few songs by the band Bread. Then maybe we can watch something on YouTube. I was thinking maybe we might watch a few episodes of The Love Boat, but given the state of the cruise ship industry these days that might not be the most uplifting thing to watch. Pinterest might give me some ideas. Carmelle and Tubby Washington seem to get along with Robin really well, and although we’re still all getting to know each other, so far things are going great! Robin is bilingual; he’s English on one side and French on the other, so Carmelle hopes to practice her French lessons with him. The first photo was taken just a few minutes after Robin and I met. I went to the cupboard to get out a can of tuna and there he was. When I saw his face I said, “Hello, Handsome!” and the conversation just took off from there. There’s a close up of him so you can see just how handsome he his. I can’t believe what a great day it’s been! Everybody is in such a fantastic mood. As you can see the geraniums are blooming, and things are really starting to look up. Every cloud has a silver lining, and meeting Robin seems to have made all of the suffering in life worthwhile. Hopefully all of you are having wonderful day too. I can’t wait to tell you how tomorrow night goes! Post 10 Count down to date night with Robin has begun! I’m so nervous! The table is set; it was hard to strike the right balance between classy and casual especially since I couldn’t get out to the store. To cover all the bases, I used my every day plates instead of the fine china, and also used a casual pair of cloth napkins from my picnic set.To jazz things up a bit, I used my good silverware, a gold Christmas table cloth, and a candle from my Advent wreath. People tell me it’s still Lent but in regards to time, I can’t be sure of anything anymore. Hopefully mixing up the seasons this way sends a subliminal message that says, “Hey buddy I’m here for you all year long.” I happened to find the Advent candles while searching for Christmas wrap the other day. This made me feel like I’m really starting to get a grip on my homemaking skills. I couldn’t find the candles during Advent but now I feel really prepared for the next one. The candles were lit with my emergency supply matches, which you can see next to Betty. As I told you yesterday, Betty will be minding my cats during the date night. This leaves me a little concerned because there was a bit of an unfortunate incident with Betty this afternoon. I was frantically cleaning me house and trying to make it look a little homier and a little less like the Diefenbunker when I picked up Betty and washed her along with the other dishes. At first I thought I merely smudged her makeup, but in fact I removed her entire face. I can fix this later and just hope it doesn’t hinder her ability to mind the cats. Anyway it probably won’t. I’ve downloaded a few free images from various museums for the cats to colour to help keep them busy and out of mischief (got that tip from a homeschooling mom). Hopefully they don’t give Betty any problems. Robin and I are having salmon for dinner because it’s Friday (so people say anyway; I have no idea what day it actually is anymore). The music is set and I have just enough time to change my outfit one more time. This will be my fifth wardrobe change in the last hour, but I think each time it’s an improvement. Fingers crossed, hopefully the evening goes well! I’ve uploaded another photo of Robin for people who missed yesterday’s post. If you are just joining the updates now, the previous nine posts are public on my Facebook page.(Thanks to everyone who has been reading along and sharing them). For new readers who want to get up to speed quickly, I’m a writer in rural Ontario who has been locked up with her two cats, a teapot and a kettle for what seems like a very, very long time. We are doing our best to flatten the curve by staying indoors, but like many of you experience trials from day to day. Yesterday I struck up a conversation with Robin, the man on the Robin Hood flour bag, and we really hit it off. He is coming over for a date tonight. I’ve been out of the dating scene for quite some time, as many of you may have guessed. Apparently quite a few people assumed I would never meet a man here in Palmer Rapids, so they have been commenting with both joy and surprise about this recent development in my life. Please pray it all goes well. Post 11 I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news is the date with Robin was spectacular! In fact, I can honestly say, it was the best date I’ve had in years. It’s been my only date in years, so admittedly there isn’t much to compare it to, but it was outstanding. Having Brown Betty babysit the cats however did not go so well. In fact it was an epic disaster. If you missed my previous post, you might not realize that I accidentally washed off Betty’s face while doing the dishes. I had hoped that leaving her without a face would not hinder her ability to care for the cats. Cats after all are such independent creatures. It turns out not having her ears mouth and eyes put poor Betty at a tremendous disadvantage. Robin and I were downstairs enjoying a delightful time together. At various points throughout the evening I heard noises coming from one of the spare rooms upstairs. My cats can be quite active, so I dismissed the noises assuming they were just playing around. As the night progressed though, the noises grew a little louder, and occurred with greater frequency. Robin and I were having such a wonderful time together that I routinely dismissed the sounds and kept my attention on Robin. You’ve seen his picture so as you can imagine this wasn’t difficult to do. What a charmer. Anyway, after eating dinner and watching a couple of episodes of The Love Boat I suggested to Robin that we call it an evening. With the whole social distancing thing in effect it just seemed appropriate to end the evening a bit early. Robin was a perfect gentleman and went back to his place in the pantry cupboard without making a fuss. After closing the pantry cupboard, I went upstairs to check on Betty and the cats. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next. I opened the door to find the cats had used one of their crayons to turn poor sweet Betty into an elephant. The door was barely opened when Betty came charging through the hallway and down the stairs. My houseplants had been growing rapidly the past few weeks, they are apparently benefiting from the extra conversations we’ve been having. Suddenly they seemed to grow even more rapidly and the whole house looked like a scene from Jumanji. I had an elephant charging through a jungle and my cats were going wild. It took all day yesterday to get things under control, and I am exhausted. There are still vines hanging from the chandelier, hopefully tomorrow I can get those down too. Robin is coming back for a second date later in the week, so I will need to get rid of them somehow. Betty is still a bit traumatized but I gave her some Chamomile tea and am hoping that will calm her nerves. The photo shows her when she was still an elephant. She has forgiven the cats for what they did to her but she says she won’t forget it. Elephants never forget Post 12 This morning I did an honest assessment of how my life is going; it seems there is much room for improvement. Unfortunately my attempts to embark on a path that would help make those improvements have already backfired. Really, in retrospect, if I had left well enough alone I would be in a much better situation than I find myself in tonight. The whole thing started when I was having tea with Betty in the shed. She came out there with me today because she was afraid to be left alone with Carmelle and Tubby Washington after the number they did on her over the weekend. She is still a bit traumatized but doing better all the time. I was giving Betty a little pep talk reminding her about how great her life is. I said, “Look Betty don’t let your being turned into an elephant ruin your whole life. You have a lot going for you.” I then proceeded to tell her all of the amazing things for which she can be thankful. She is warm; she is kind; she is helpful; she is a great listener. I pointed out how her new face and hairdo make her look so happy and alive. The list went on and on. Within a few minutes the cloud was lifted from Betty and you could see she was really starting to feel better. I on the other hand started feeling like a complete shmuck! How had Betty’s life turned out so well? She is a teapot! When I compare my life to Betty’s I fall so short. And I repeat, she is a teapot! When this realization hit me I felt so vulnerable and ashamed. I did the only thing I could think of in this situation. I listened to Brene Brown. While helpful in getting me out of my funk, I am not sure the end result has done anything to improve my life. It gave me a false sense of confidence that led to some bad decisions. I came across this Brene Brown quote “Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve?" Perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think?” It seemed like good advice, but maybe I didn’t apply it right. Maybe there is a time to consider what other people will think. Maybe that threat of social pressure sometimes keeps us from making stupid mistakes, like the one I made today. For days I’ve wanted to cut my own hair but at about the time this thought first occurred to me, people started sharing photos of botched do it yourself haircuts. I kept thinking, “People will judge me if I cut my own hair.” I was safe as long as I was thinking this way. After I reading Brene Brown’s quote I said, “Maybe I should reframe this to think, How can I improve?” I thought giving myself some bangs would be improvement. It wasn’t. People will judge me harshly for the actions I took today. Sure my hair will grow back eventually, but I have a date with Robin later this week. What is he going to think? I’m going to have to reconsider what outfit to wear for my next date with Robin, and will now need to include a hat. So far the only hats I have found are my bike helmet and some tuques. At first I couldn’t even find the tuques because I had wrapped them all for next Christmas. Look how pretty Betty looks. The judgmental look on Carmelle’s face pretty much sums up how my haircut went. How did my life get so messed up? Post 13 I hired a life coach. I had to do it. On Monday night I started talking to a bag of onions. We stayed up all night crying. I hired the life coach Tuesday morning, because well like I said I was talking to a bag of onions. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I was just talking to them, but I was listening to them too. They had so much to say. We had a real connection. It was the first time in weeks since I spent time with a group. It felt so good just to release some of the emotions. People misunderstand onions. They are very complex individuals; they have so many layers. Many from the onion community are working hard to help people with their social distancing. Onion breath is so effective at keeping people away. Anyway, Kerry the Kettle thought maybe I was in a bit over my head and suggested that maybe a life couch could help get me back on track. She has a friend who just recently became a life coach and I started working with her right away. She used to work in food services, and because she doesn’t have a lot of clients yet, she was able to find an opening for me right away. We’ve met twice and I can honestly say she is really cut out for this new career. A lot of baggage came up in our first session but she was super calm and walked me through the emotions. She has a will of iron and can really take the heat. She’s brilliant. Her name is Pam the Pan. We start each session by releasing negative emotions. She has this little mantra we shout out at the beginning of each session after doing some breath of fire. (That made me really self-conscious at first because I had eaten so many onions the night before). The mantra goes, “Don’t say you can’t you know you can! Anyone can with Pam the Pan!” We say this ten or twelve times getting louder and louder each time. It’s really effective. The first issue we dealt with was my low self-esteem; it’s been plummeting since the whole home haircut incident. We worked through my options about how to deal with the problem. Long term, I just have to believe it will grow back. Pam the Pan did encourage me to wear a hat on my date with Robin because she says there is no point in traumatizing him too. I’ve decided wearing the bike helmet is my best option. At first I was going to wear a tuque, but when I tried it on, Carmelle said I looked like one of the Mackenzie Brothers. She’s been doing the call of the Great White North every time I walk into the room. Then just for kicks she says, “Hey take off eh! Oh guess you can’t take off you’re stuck inside.” The picture shows Pam the Pan hanging around my kitchen. I feel blessed that she is in my life. I'm grateful for the onions too; we all need a good cry sometimes. Post 14 My life coach is really helping me stay grounded in reality. She is a tremendous support during this time of isolation with my cats. Today she had me look at the past, the present and the future to help me come to terms with the things that have changed. She wanted me to see how many of the changes that have happened recently are really very positive. She’s absolutely right. For example, this morning my life coach Pam the Pan asked, “What do you miss most from your life before you started working from home?” I thought about it for a moment; so many possible answers came flooding in at once. I was confused about which one I should say first. Pam said, “Just say the first thing that comes to your mind.” I said, “OK, I guess I miss people.” “Good,” she said. “That is something to be grateful for.” Then she asked, “And can you be grateful for all of the people who are in your life now, I mean all of the people you live with?” She could see that I was a bit confused so she started listing them. “Can you be grateful for people Kerry the Kettle, Brown Betty, me and the cats? Aren’t these new people in your life worth being grateful for? And what about Robin and the onions don’t you enjoy talking to them?” She was absolutely right. They’re all great people and some of the best conversations of my life have taken place over with these new friends. Sure, I miss other people I can’t meet with, but really it is so nice to have so many other people living with me now. This unfortunately has created a new issue. With so many unrelated people living in the house, we are in violation of the rules restricting the number of people who can congregate in one place. There must be twenty people alone in the onion bag. I started to panic when I realized we were breaking the new rules, but Pam the Pan pulled me through again. She pointed out that this is a present concern that can be dealt with by implementing some new house rules. For example, the onions don’t have to live all in the same bag. She was right again! I was really worried about splitting up the onions. But to my great surprise, they are thriving! They are so much fun to have around. They’ve all been keeping a safe distance apart and are coming up with all sorts of ways to keep themselves entertained. They’re so sweet! This afternoon two of the onions (Albert and Vivian) asked me if they could be left alone for a bit in the dining room. I told them that was no problem. It was so nice to see them adapting to their new normal and being really great about keeping a safe distance. I went outside to work on the garden. When I was out there, I thought I could hear singing, but then again I’ve thought I’ve heard a lot of things this past while. I just assumed it was the voices in my head. Nope this time it wasn’t. Somehow the onions found out that I’m a huge Jim Croce fan. Know what they did? They learned the words to Croce’s song “Tomorrow’s Gonna Be a Brighter Day”. Tubby accompanied them on the piano and they performed the song for me after dinner. It was amazing! We had blast! Albert and Vivian sang so well and Tubby Washington was just fantastic on the piano. We’re going to have a sing along on the weekend. If your day was rough, you might want to listen to some Jim Croce to ease yourself into the night. And remember tomorrow IS going to be a better day. So sleep tight with the assurance it will be. Here's a link to the song if you don't know it. https://youtu.be/TlH3HdZO6Fc Post 15 I’m all over the map! Not literally, just emotionally. Like most of you, I’ve been inside for what seems like a very, very, very long time. I’m experiencing the full gamut of feelings these days and am struggling to process them. My housemates are all wonderful people, OK, “people” is not quite the right word but they are still wonderful. Despite how amazing Betty, Kerry, Pam, Albert, Vivian and the cats are, there are still some challenges here in Palmer Rapids that I don’t quite know how to handle. This is such a confusing time. I’m just going to come right out and say it. Robin and I are having some issues. I feel a bit shallow because maybe I was really just attracted to his good looks. It’s hard to say. Things might still work out, but our date on the weekend really didn’t go as planned. I have an appointment with my life coach tomorrow, so maybe that will help but at the moment I feel quite pessimistic about the probability of things working out long term between us. I had had such high hopes. I hate being such a downer especially when so many of you have been so encouraging and had hoped that, finally I might have found someone who can tolerate me, but I had to let you know. I feel so stupid bringing up this relationship problem when people around the world are being so helpful to each other, doing such amazing selfless acts to save people. There are so many amazing opportunities to help alleviate the problems of mankind these days. It almost makes you think we should have had this crisis sooner. The ingenuity of the people in my local community and that of friends across Canada continues to inspire me every day. If we play our cards right, and continue to build or rebuild family and community bonds in these days of rest and isolation, we will come through this period a more grateful, more compassionate, more empathetic world. Now is the time for artists, entrepreneurs, families and well-formed communities to rise to the challenges ahead. We will reap what we sow. This brings me to a situation that happened a few days ago where I was really confused by all of the opportunities to volunteer. In my confusion, I nearly ripped up my septic system to help the cause. Fortunately I figured things out just in time. Many of you have been dutifully sewing masks to help with the shortages; it has been impressive to see so many people get behind various initiatives. Yet in some areas, there is still a need for more volunteers. I saw an ad asking for more people to help sew the masks. It read: “sewers needed” (pronounced SOH-ers) as in people who sew. I read sewers (pronounced so͞oərs) as in systems for transporting sewage. Ever since the people started hording toilet paper I’ve been saying, “Somebody is going to have a nasty septic problem this spring.” When I thought they were calling for people to donate sewer systems, I told Betty, “See I knew it would happen!” I cannot tell you how grateful I am that I did not drop off a used sewage pipe to answer the call for sewers. It would have been both embarrassing and incredibly unhygienic. I'm sorry for the delay in posting, but as you can probably tell, this was a rough weekend. Thanks to all of you who sent messages and checked in on us one way or another. Everyone else (even Robin) seems to be doing just fine. People have been asking about Albert and Vivian. Everyone seems to like them. (I really had hoped Robin and I would end up as cute a couple as they are. Maybe that was too much to hope for.) The photo shows Tubby Washington talking to Albert; they get along very well. I played some jazz piano on the weekend and the three of them sang along. I don’t really play the piano much normally, and just have it because I write song lyrics. It’s been so inspiring having people who love music around that I decided to play a few tunes. Music can really help get you through some pretty tough times emotionally. Post 16 Many years ago after having my heart broken, crushed and stepped on, a friend told me not to worry because relationships are like buses. If you miss one, another one will come along very soon. Folks we have no transit system in Palmer Rapids. Maybe I’m putting too much stock in the metaphor, but if things don’t work out with Robin it could be a very long wait. My life coach Pam the Pan told me I have to take responsibility for my life and that I can’t just sit back and expect Robin to take care of me. Even though he has had a really good career with the flour company, nobody’s job is secure these days. Pam suggested I create a vision board, outlining the things I really want in life. I worked on my vision board today; there is a pretty big gap between the board and what my actual life looks like now. For example, my hair looks much better on the vision board. It might be because the hair on my vision board belongs to a 25 year-old model instead of to me, but still it is good to have an ideal to work towards. Some of you asked to see my “do it yourself done in spite of being warned not to do it” haircut. The selfie was taken today, after several attempts to fix the original botched coiffure; hopefully it will improve with time. Skinny people with long arms have no idea how difficult it is for those of us with short arms and a double chin to take a selfie. This is photo attempt 52; it’s as good as it’s going to get for the time being. Carmelle took a look at my vision board; as you can see from her expression, she is a bit skeptical. You may have noticed from these and other photos that my house is a work in progress. It’s an oldie but goodie, built in 1937 or earlier. There is still quite a bit of work to do, but it is coming along. As a kid I spent every Saturday afternoon watching “This Old House” on PBS and it had always been my dream to restore an old home. When Carmelle appeared less than enthusiastic about the probability of the items on my vision board coming to fruition, I reminded her that it was not very long ago that getting this house was pipe dream too. Carmelle came with the house by the way. I moved in October 1, 2016, on the feast St. Theresa the Little Flower. I stood in the kitchen that first night and I began to have doubts about moving to Palmer Rapids. I came from Vancouver with only two suitcases and a one way ticket, so the house was pretty empty. It had been vacant for some time before I moved in. As I stood looking out the window into the pouring rain on a very dark night, I began to be quite afraid. This former city girl did not realize how dark the country gets at night. It occurred to me at that point there was a probably a mouse or two lurking around and I said out loud, “I wish I had a cat!” No more than twenty minute later, a dripping wet very skinny little calico came to my back porch. When I opened the door she came right in screaming at me for having taken so long. She jumped up on my shoulder and has spent much of her time in the years that followed perched right there. I didn’t have any cat food so I cooked her bacon, potatoes and sour cream for dinner, which she very gratefully wolfed down. I know several people called Theresa, so I couldn’t very well call my new cat by that name, even if it was the feast of St. Theresa. Since St. Theresa was a Carmelite, the little calico took the name Carmelle and has answered to it ever since. It never bothers me now that it gets so dark here at night. The view of the stars in Palmer Rapids is amazing. It is only in the middle of darkness that you really appreciate the stars. These are dark days for many people, but fear not; this too shall pass. Sometimes it takes a very dark night to bring us to our knees and ask for what we really need. By asking for what you need, you never know whose dream you might be fulfilling in the process. On that first dark night in Palmer, I needed a cat and Carmelle needed a place to call home. Our needs were perfectly met. We didn’t start out with much, but we’ve had a lot of fun muddling along together day by day. On the dark nights remember to take time to look up at the stars and to open your heart to those in need. Who knows where your own story will lead as result. Post 17 I really need to start disciplining my cats more. As you can see from the photo Carmelle is not only climbing on the furniture, she also stuck her tongue out at me. But before I can discipline my cats, first I need to discipline myself. For many years I’ve worked at being a disciplined person trying to bring constant improvement to my morning routine. Now I don’t have ANY morning routine. Chris Hadfield made a video several days about how we can learn something from astronauts and how they self-isolate. He made it sound so simple. It’s not. I just want a little bit of routine back in my life. I realized today that many of the things I accomplish on a typical morning are triggered by the thought “Complete this action before you leave.” Since I haven’t been leaving, except to go to the shed, I keep forgetting to do the most basic of things, like brushing my teeth. This morning I filed and painted my nails and was feeling pretty smug about having accomplished these tasks but then I realized that once again I had forgotten to brush my teeth. Apparently Chris Hadfield has a video on tooth brushing too. In case I forget how the task is done, I may need to watch the video. I’ve been thinking about space and astronauts a lot recently. Several days ago I planted many seeds and they are starting to sprout. My living room looks like that scene from the movie Mars where Matt Damon plants the potatoes. Tubby Washington has been causing a few problems by uprooting the poor little seedlings; I can’t wait for it to be warm enough to plant the seeds because she may destroy my crops completely before too long. It seems like spring is about to burst open here in Palmer Rapids. There is a nice patch of green grass over the septic tank, and many birds have returned to the yard. I keep thinking because Easter is on Sunday, that spring will start in launch itself in full any day now and that things will go back to normal. This has been the longest Lent ever. Hopefully it will make us all appreciate the mystery of Easter at least a little more. Post 18 It snowed in Palmer Rapids this morning. It’s my fault, just yesterday I was talking about the arrival of spring. In a way it’s kind of comforting to see the snow as a reminder of how many things we don’t control but God does. As people scramble to fight the pandemic and its ensuing financial stress, it is comforting to remember just how much is out of our hands, and in the hands of a loving God. We can only control a few things in life, and our attitude is one of them. My life coach Pam the Pan has been working a lot with me this week to help me adjust my attitude when necessary. For example this morning when I found Carmelle on top of the fridge, I simply lifted her down instead of getting angry. I chose my response. The plants on top of my fridge pretty much sum up my survival strategy for the post-apocalyptic era in Palmer Rapids. The large plant on the right is an avocado tree I planted from an avocado pit several months ago when Greta Thunburg was in the news so much. It occurred to me that if there was any positive side to global warming, the ability to grow avocados in Palmer Rapids might be one of them. I know of some gardeners in Killaloe who successfully grow fruit bearing fig trees in very large pots. They keep them outside in the summer and bring them back in during the cold weather. If the worldwide shutdown of the economy doesn’t help with global warming, at least there could be figs and avocados growing in Palmer. I’d be happy to share if the orchard ever does get established. There is normally a small fig tree on my fridge too which was moved the other day to make way for the pot that is covered in the plastic bag. This pot contains some potatoes that had sprouted recently. Hopefully they can be planted outside before too long. I was going to throw them in the compost until I remember Matt Damon’s resourcefulness in The Martian movie. The pot is presently on the fridge because last week Carmelle started to eat the potato sprouts, which was neither good for her nor the poor potatoes. This morning she discovered it again and that is why she jumped up there. The other plant is one of my two spider plants. Every time I water them I sing, “Spider plant, Spider plant, does whatever a spider can’t. Grows a leaf overhead…I said…look at my Spider plant!” I sing the words really loudly and enthusiastically to the tune of the Spiderman theme song.There are also actions that go along with this little ritual. I’ve been singing this song for months, so it occurs to me that I was a little bit touched even before the pandemic. I like the fact that plants let you be as silly as you want to be. Spider plants are natural air purifiers so it’s always good to have a few around. All the plants (with the exception of the poor seedlings Tubby Washington has been eating are doing very well.) Who knows if the avocado orchard will really develop. Not all of my plans work out. OK let’s be honest, most of them are epic failures, but every once and while one of my ideas does succeed. If you have an idea you always wanted to try, maybe now is the moment to do so. As long as you can do it without violating the new physical distancing norms, why not give some crazy idea a try? One of my favourite phrases is, “Sow in sorrow, reap in joy”. This is a great time to sow some seeds of various types; they will be up before you know it. Maybe the seed of some idea you plant today will be a great blessing for many in the years to come. Many people are in an anxious state because they do not know what is coming next. The fact is, we NEVER know what is coming next. Until recently we may have had some old routines that kept us in place, but that doesn’t me we really ever knew what was around the corner. Today is Holy Thursday. If you are spending it alone, know that you are doing the right thing. Tonight around the world priests in empty Churches are offering the sacrifice of the Mass for you and for the whole world. You don’t need to do much to receive the graces being offered for you. But like the earth in Palmer Rapids which received the snow this morning, just accept them as fall all around you. No need to go out, no need to place an order for them, just let them come to you wherever you are, whoever you are. No matter the reason you think you might not deserve them, they are yours for the taking.

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