State of Emergency Post 4

I feel so inadequate. Several days into the state of emergency many Canadians are still in denial of the seriousness of the situation. Meanwhile the home schooling moms are making us all look bad.

They were the only ones prepared for this pandemic. Within the first hour of the state of emergency being declared their kids were all live streaming concerts from their living rooms. They all look like the Von Trapp Family Singers.

Not only have all of their kids memorized the entire sound track from The Sound of Music their kids are singing along with the Italians. They know all of the Italian opera arias.

Why wouldn't they? These kids all speak six languages.

An hour later home school families were teaching the nation. These moms were sharing online educational resources for panicked parents, all of which they just happened to have on hand.

Meanwhile I was still trying to figure out how to upload a photo to Facebook from my phone.

I figured it out now thanks to a tutorial posted by a home school mom. In searching for it I discovered several of these moms are giving science lectures aimed at developing a vaccine for Covid19. Their prospects look promising.

Several of them have set up labs in their kitchens where prior to the pandemic they used to make soap and homemade bread.

Is there nothing these women can't do?

Their biggest problem is consoling their kids who are upset about not being able to get to church this week.

I'm posting this video for all of the regular moms out there whose kids are fighting more because of the stress. I don't even have kids but the only two creatures I'm responsible for are still fighting. I have some idea of what you're going through.

I know some home school mom is going to send me a link to online spelling and punctuation classes after posting this. Just bear in mind I'm typing this on my phone in my shed where the light is not very good.

This video shows my cats Carmelle and Tubby Washington. Pay careful attention to the two dots under the blanket. Those are Tubby' s eyes.

Whether you're a wonder woman home schooling mom or a regular old mom just trying to keep your kids from killing each other, keep the faith. Your kids need you now more than ever. This too shall pass.

State of Emergency Post 3

I look like hell. My hands have been washed every 8 to 12 minutes for the last three weeks but this morning I realized I had completely forgotten about the rest of my body. It has been days since my hair was washed.

Do you remember what Tom Hanks looked like in Castaway? Remember the movie where his only companion is a volley ball called Wilson? My hair looks like Tom Hanks’ did, maybe a little worse.

The good news is I’m not yet talking to a volley ball. It will be a long time before that happens. I won’t need to talk to a volleyball because now I have Betty.

Betty is my tea pot. Brown Betty is a welcome relief from conversations with Carmelle, who by the way is doing fine. As you can see from the photo she is out of isolation and hanging around the kitchen with me and Betty.

I snuck back in the house this afternoon from the shed and worked part of the day from the kitchen table. It was snowing here in Ontario today and I was freezing in the shed. Every time Carmelle brought up the roommate agreement I gave her a treat and changed the subject. For today at least that strategy has worked.

The picture also shows one of my many geraniums. The folks in various gardening groups have been most gracious sharing these stories of my survival, and I hope that all of their plants are doing well.

While these posts may be a little off topic for some groups, you are indeed helping a fellow gardener and her cats by sharing them. Hopefully you are also helping people who need a little humour in their lives these days. Laughter is the best medicine.

Maybe even someone who isn’t taking the virus serious will start to do so by considering how many lives are being affected, and not just human lives, but the lives of cats too.

By the way, Carmelle says thanks for all of the praise that you cat lovers have been lavishing on her. She also asked me to share a message from her. She dictated it and I wrote it out for you. It’s in the second photo.

But let’s get back to Betty. She came over for tea today and we had a great time. Well she didn’t really come over for tea. I made a pot of Earl Grey and that’s when the hallucinations started happening. It was just so nice to have someone other than a cat to talk to. I’m normally a coffee drinker, but since I’m rationing my coffee supply, Betty will be a bigger part of my life than normal. I'm glad I'm getting to know her better.

When this whole thing is over, Betty and I are going to celebrate. On the first available Saturday night, we’re inviting Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker for a party in the shed. I really miss talking to men. Sure Betty and the cats are great but they’re all female.

For many years I was a yacht broker in Vancouver, back then, wealthy men used to send me photos of their yachts. Now quarantined women send me photos of their cats. I’ve made some bad choices in life and now I’m reaping the consequences.

While I appreciate all of the support the cat ladies have been giving. I just really had no idea there were so many of you. Thank you for all of the many photos of your own cats. Thank you also for staying indoors.

If any of you happen to know men with boats please let them know I’d love to see photo of a yacht. I’d even settle for photo of an old fish boat. Frankly a canoe or even a kayak would do. I just need proof that men and their boats still exist. My biggest fear is that the world population now consists only of cat ladies and the felines who control them..Please just one boat photo, beg you!

State of Emergency Post 2

It’s been a rough day. Carmelle is in isolation. No, relax. It’s not what you think. She’s just overreacting.

Don’t get me wrong, I STRONGLY believe that many people should be in isolation, and am especially annoyed by people who are still out and about after they have been travelling or showing symptoms of the virus. Carmelle is not one of those people.

In fact let’s be very clear here. She does not belong to any category of people. She is a cat. She is only a cat. I repeated this phrase a hundred times today.

If you are joining this story midway through, you can read the post from yesterday, but to get you up to speed quickly, I’m a writer who is working from home, stuck inside with my two cats. Well at least I was stuck inside until one of them banished me to the shed.

On my way to the shed, I mistakenly checked Facebook and noticed that Carmelle’s photo had gone viral. I said, “Look at that Carmelle, you’ve gone viral.” It was all downhill from there.

“VIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL?” She screeched “VIIIIIIIII-RAAAAAAAAAAAL?” I said, “Relax. Viral. Not Virus. I posted your picture on Facebook and now you’ve gone viral.”

She looked at me with sour –faced contempt. She was silent for a moment and then started up again. “VIRAL …VIRAAAAAAAAAAAL…VIIIIIIIIIRALLLLL”.

I said, “You’re not sick, you’re in heat. Just be quiet you’ll be fine. “

Immediately she started to cough and glared at me as though it was all my fault. “Carmelle you are not sick. You are in heat and have a hairball. Relax.”

The picture you see here was taken moments before the hairball was ejected. The next one showed the fuzzy projectile as it hit the floor. Due to Facebook community standards, that one can’t be posted.

I mistakenly zoomed in. It was disgusting. We have no idea the germs our bodies fight off on a daily basis. Let’s be thankful for what is working.

Even after the hairball was cleared, Carmelle would not shut up. “VIRALLLLL…VIIIIRALLLL.VIIIIIIIRAAAAL” And the looks continued.

It has been my observation that when dealing with people who are either paranoid about the virus or who are not taking it seriously enough, ACURATE, SCIENTIFICALLY BASED, WELL-REASEARCHED facts can be our friends.

I spent the next hour and a half on the websites of the World Health Organization, Health Canada and other reputable sources. I even looked up articles on Google Scholar.
With facts in hand I told Carmelle that through all of these sources, I could not find a single instance where a patient’s symptoms included coughing up a hairball.

At the pace the virus is spreading, though it may only be a matter of time before someone suffering from trichophagia, gets it and will be the black swan that brings down my argument.

Despite the facts, Carmelle thought it was best to spend the day in isolation. I spent the day in shed grateful that her cries could not be heard from there.

It’s been an exhausting day.

If we who are home with our cats are exhausted, imagine what the healthcare workers are feeling. This is only the beginning. For their sake, and for the sake of the elderly and the ill, we need to flatten the curve. Stay inside if you've been travelling or are showing symptoms.

To all of you who made it this far, thanks for reading.
If you’re viewing this in a group and can’t share it from there, you’ll find a shareable version on my profile page. God willing you’ll hear from me tomorrow with another update. Keep safe!

State of Emergency Post 1

OK so had a little misunderstanding with my cat Carmelle today. I told her earlier in the week I'd be working from home for the next while. At first she seemed pleased but today her disdain was noticeable.

I tried to ignore it at first like one of those awkward office situations where some colleague gets their nose out of joint for some unknown reason but hasn't the manners or the courage to talk to you about it. Finally the issue came to head and we talked it through.

It seems when I told Carmelle
I'd be working from home she assumed that meant I'd be working FOR HER. I explained I am working for someone else and that this job is what puts food on my table and in her dish. She didn't like that response as you can see from the photo.

She pulled out the roommate agreement which is WAY, WAY more comprehensive than Sheldon's from the Big Bang Theory. Turns out my working from home violates several clauses of the agreement. After some negotiation she begrudgingly agreed to a compromise. Tomorrow I'm working from the shed.

Power on people! We need to stick together. I mean this metaphorically of course because of the whole social distancing thing. But seriously we need to help each other out. If cats take over the world our days are numbered.